AND YOU THOUGHT THE TIRADES WERE BAD!
Excerpts from "The Confessions of Master. B. I. Got, Esquire."
SENSITIVE SOULS, PLEASE SKIP THIS ARTICLE

Social and political comments, spiced with humor.
Is he putting us on, or is Master. B. I. Got the epitome of the reactionary right - or a little of both?
Perhaps we can best decide by reading some quotations from his confessions.

"I have lusted after lovely ladies.
"That isn't exactly what this book is about. But if you are going to write confessions they should be reasonably salacious. For now, however, I'll leave the naughty details to you. What's one's imagination for, anyway?"

On tolerance. "I refuse to tolerate steaks served still dripping red. Scrambled eggs inadequately beaten. Brats, similarly disciplined."

"I like to laugh at the jingoistic patriots, at their opposite number who get their rocks off by piddling on the flag. (Of Course, if you can't wait, you can't wait. And public toilets are rather rare.)"

"So read with care, think about what is said when your opinions differ from mine - it won't change your mind, nor mine, as we are both biased bastards. But do consider one thing before you sneer and toss old B. I. Got, Esquire's major masterpiece aside.
"I JUST MAY BE RIGHT!"

"No philosophy, no consistency. A man without a philosophy is a navigator without a compass, a ship without a helm, a dog without a fire hydrant. He drifts to and fro, here and there, with no end in view and if he sees one he doesn't even follow her."

"I like to quote people. Mostly to show that they are wrong. Here's another truism.
"It's a beautiful day -Somewhere." - Mr. B. I. Got.
"I most thoroughly enjoy quoting myself."
"SENTIENT SAYINGS"

"A commonly heard one among the ladies is, "You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince."
"I, Master. B. I. Got, Esquire, can only say, "And we toads are glad!"

"Not that I truly dislike babies. Their major fault is that they grow up to be adults. And you know what bastards they are."

On teens. "They're horny before they know what it means and careless afterward."
"And now, how about adults?
"First, let's list all their good attributes.
"Okay, with that taken care of, what else might be said?"

"Government - None at all is too little. But not by much. "

"We are either a nation under law, or we are an outlaw nation.
"

"Mr. Getz of New York says, from his cell, "The RIGHT of the PEOPLE to KEEP and BEAR arms, SHALL NOT be INFRINGED".

"To be openminded and accepting of that which is beneficial to mankind is wisdom.
To be openminded and accepting of that which is detrimental to mankind is cowardice."

"Whining, that favorite pastime of the modern American."

"History is never past. Yesterday lurks ahead, waiting for its prey - the prey, of course, being those who have never read or understood history.

Whew! Old B. I.'s beliefs!
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