SYNOPSIS OF COMPUTER LEGENDS, LIES & LORE

And you thought you knew all about computers!

Well, I admit, so did I. Until I read "Computer Legends, Lies & Lore." Now, I'm not so sure anymore. You see, each computer really has a personality of its own. I mean, if you have owned a computer long enough you note a few little idiosyncracies not common to others of their breed.

It may be a keyboard with one key that has to be touched just so. Or the cursor needs to be touching along the border of some icons, not others. Or maybe the rascal hangs up part way through loading your favorite game.

But once you've become familiar with these little quirks you respond accordingly and press on with your activity.

Years ago, before I became a computer addict, I growled and cursed at these anomalies. But I have mellowed, fallen under the spell of these fascinating machines, and now accept their personality traits as normal. I remember my wife and children, before the bust-up, had peculiarities of their own. So it really isn't just machines.

The bust-up? Well, they brought it on themselves.

They were such spendthrifts! There was hardly money enough to buy a simple utility, let alone a fullfledged program. And they complained! They wanted to buy clothing. What's a few tatters? Who really cares. Besides, my computer was badly in need of a modem. She was so lonely, unable to converse with her own kind. I just couldn't let her pine away, so I quit giving the kids lunch money. God, she went wild when she learned there were others like her, that she was not alone. The telephone bill! Well, the wife said that was the last straw. She never was very understanding. Actually wanted me to come out of the den. To separate myself from my computer! Have you ever . . . .

Oh, I'm sorry.

I get distracted so easily when I'm away from her. My wife? No, no! My computer. Anyway, let me tell you, until you've read "Computer Legends, Lies & Lores" you just don't realize how very versatile they are. And how well they fit in with you, and with your activities. Why, it's almost a symbiotic relationship!

Of course, some of the things you'll read are truly unfounded. Computers would just not do such a thing. Why, my computer . . . . Oh, there I go again.

Admittedly one or two of the authors had some, eh, shall we say unfavorable experiences. And you know, they actually blamed the computers!

Now, I must admit, based on the evidence brought forth, there was a computer or two that assumed a bit more authority than was proper. But I personally blame it, not on the computer, but on its upbringing. Some of these manufacturing centers are really unsavory, have a major impact on the character of the computers produced. With proper rehabilitation however I personally believe every computer could be rescued, returned to friendly service.

And there was an author or so who was so plainly enamored with the computer that one is sickened by it all. I mean, miscegenation to the nth degree. I won't say it's bad taste, but, well . . . .Ridiculous!

It is very important that you approach this book with an open mind. Some readers, I'm informed, have laid this book down, closed the door to the computer room, and never entered it again. How inhumane can one be! Can you visualize it! That poor computer, waiting, waiting, waiting, . . . . With never the touch of a human hand, not a voice, no contact with the outside world. No wonder they, sometimes, become vicious.

Oh, dear. I hope I haven't frighened you away from reading this book.

You'll truly enjoy it and appreciate your computer more than ever. So do place your order today.

Oh, did you hear that. My computer just said, "Or else!" Isn't she cute!

Eh, excuse me.